4 Letter Word for Crazy Feeling

Love, one of the many amazing feelings we have as humans but also one of the shittiest. I wondered a few days ago if I was capable of being loved by someone. I’m single now and it’s not so bad, I mean I get to do whatever I want so why wouldn’t I enjoy that? Plus if I have any stress it’s just my stress and not anyone else’s and I can handle my own stress. But like any single person would agree, it gets lonely at times. I’ve been in relationships before and I always thought things would end in a happy marriage and we’d grow old together but of course, we grow up and things change. In my teenage years when I’d go crazy about a girl that didn’t like me back I was upset but thinking on it now, there are good reasons for that happening. Meaning that we weren’t really compatible …or they got knocked up

But this blog is not about me, this entry is about Love in general. I remember listening to advice from other people about love; them telling me how you know when you’ve found the one, how high-school love doesn’t last, you don’t know true love until you can wake up next to them and still kiss them before they brush their teeth, and it’s all well and good but here’s the thing: They’re not all entirely correct. There are different ways people express and define love and not many will agree with that. For example: I remember reading or hearing someone say “Oh you know you’ve found the one if you tell her you love her and she looks at you, smiles and says, ‘You’re an idiot'”

…That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Sorry but if a girl was to tell me that, I’d get furious cause I’m a romantic at heart and sarcastic jokes are fine but there’s a time and place for all that and if I’m spilling my heart to you, a little reciprocation would be nice. But there are others that don’t feel the same as I do and that’s okay, we are all entitled to our own opinion, mine just so happens to be more logical, it doesn’t mean I’m better than they are, just means I think differently (in a way that’s better)

But in all seriousness, why do we have this feeling of love? Some say it’s just chemicals in our bodies called pheromones that just attract us to certain people and their physical traits or their personalities. Plato even argued that many years ago, humans were born with 4 arms and 4 legs, and the gods were intimidated by this so they split them in half, and forever walk the earth on their own. Could that be the reason for why humans often feel isolated from the world? That something in their life is missing and no matter what they try to fill the hole in their life with, there is still an emptiness that stays with them?

One of my heroes, is Russell Brand, the reason for that is because I agree with a lot of things he says and I’ve read both his autobiographies and we do think alike on certain things. When it comes to love, we view it in a similar way, but his is more complex than mine because he also believes that sex is how you’ll truly know if you’re meant to be with someone. His exact words are: “I would often muse that in this secular age where man no longer believed in or devoted himself to God, salvation could only be  sought through true love, that love was a new religion — romantic love, devotion to the female, a return to pagan roots — and women were goddesses who could be saved through worshiping.”  I see where he’s coming from and agree that with love you can find salvation cause when you’re with people you love, aren’t you at your most happy? Unless you’re a sociopath, in which case you don’t feel shit.

I’ve gone on long enough of a tangent and don’t think I’ve made my point. What I’m trying to get at is that I think love is a beautiful, yet complicated feeling we have and when it comes to relationships, it’s hard to know if you’re in-love. Cause we can love cupcakes, we can love our kids more than our significant others, we would even say that we’d die for our significant others but even Ghandi wouldn’t die for his wife. In fact, (weird side note, but true story) Ghandi wouldn’t allow his wife to obtain medicine when she was ill because of religious beliefs but then when he became ill (after she died) he was okay with taking the medicine that was previously offered by British doctors for his wife so this proves my point that we can say we love someone and others will tell us we’re wrong and in fact we’re in love with the “idea of them”, those people can go to hell. Cause how do you tell the difference between being in love with someone and the idea of being in love with someone? It’s all an idea, idea’s are how we start everything.

Love like all emotions are too complicated to fathom, like how do we define true happiness? How do we define true sadness? How do we define true love? (that’s what the blog is about isn’t it?) Is it when you grow old with someone and you’re sitting on rocking chairs with them and still holding hands like you did when you were younger? Is it when you can’t stand them sometimes and just want to choke them out but you don’t cause you love them that much?  Is it when you have a tradition of something like you always call each other at a certain time during the day to tell them you love them or just to check on them? Or is it when you don’t say a word to one another cause you just know and you don’t need to express it?

Maybe it’s the mystery of what tomorrow will bring with whoever you’re with? Maybe tomorrow or two weeks from now you’ll get married or break up? And though the break up may be difficult, it’ll probably benefit you in the end because you’ll find someone better, or you two will get back together and the time you spent away made you better people for one another? That seems pretty feasible: the mystery. So then I guess love isn’t such a shitty feeling after all, it’s just frightening. That’s what makes it so exciting too in a way, it’s like an amusement park and relationships are like roller coasters and you’re so afraid of getting on it and then after you go on that ride and endure the spins and steep drops and once you get off and you’re feeling uneasy and maybe even vomit, you’ll still get the urge to want to go again or try out another one.

Did I just compare love to an amusement park? Yes I did. Does it sound crazy? Perhaps. Am I talking to myself in third person? I believe so. Am I done making rhetorical questions? Almost. Are you sure? Cause it’s getting pretty annoying… Yes, just one more, okay? Do I still know what love is? No, I don’t, but I’d love to find out for myself someday.

-Mr. Writer

Written on the 19th of March, 2015 at 10:53 P.M. 

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