The Beauty in the Meaninglessness of Life

Another philosophical blog. 

Life is pretty meaningless when you think about it. Weird to say, I know but really when you think about what the meaning of life is, we all get different answers and more questions.

We all go through these periods of life where we wonder about who we are and why we are put on this earth and the thing is, no answer you are given is correct. It’s impossible to know exactly what the meaning of life is, so instead we are left to wonder. Our beliefs are simply beliefs because they can make sense to us but they won’t to other’s so I don’t expect you to understand what I mean with the following blog but indulge me for a moment as my persona continues to write.

When I was 16 I thought the purpose of life was to be religious because I thought God had put us on this earth as a test of our behavior and if we were good, we’d go to heaven and if we were bad, we’d go to hell. I came to this conclusion cause I wondered what would happen to me whenever I die. We all have to die someday and when you’re taught as a child that Hell is an evil place full of fire and anguish, you tend to want to avoid that shit.

At the same age, around the summer of 2011, I went to Atlanta and had a horrible experience there because I was invited to stay by my aunt who pretty much convinced my mother to let me go with her, when I got there it hadn’t even been a day that she was like, “So when are you gonna go back home?” It wasn’t like I was a bad guest either, I kept to myself, cleaned up after myself, but nevertheless she had me stay with her brother at his house. It turns out, he didn’t really have a house he just lived with this old white woman in a shitty part of Atlanta (called Atlanta) I swear the neighborhood he lived in was so unbelievably racist, when I was getting dropped off there I saw crosses that were charred from being burned the other night and “KKK” on a fence.

My Uncle also drove this blue 1980-something pick-up truck, everywhere we went, it would breakdown like every 10 minutes. Like a couple weeks later, I was begging my mom to let me come home and my aunt (whom I spoke about earlier who was in such a rush to bring me back home) offered to buy my plane ticket, and I was all over that. But my Uncle was planning to come back to see my mom or whatever and my mom said I should go with him cause he would need some company, of course I said in the nicest way possible: “There’s no fucking way that’s happening.” but of course, I can’t argue with my mother so I said fine. The day finally comes and I’m ready to leave and go back home. The night before we left, I should mention, there was this other old lady, named Gloria (I think), whom my uncle I guess had a thing for and she was gross, not cause she was old but, well yeah she was old but also cause she smoked and I hadn’t been around smokers so long to be able to tolerate it but she was just fucking weird. She wanted to come with my uncle and I to Houston. Why? I honestly, do not know. My uncle’s roommate (which is the wrong word to use since she owned the house) said he shouldn’t bring her cause she would be a hassle to bring on such a long trip. And he agreed and said,  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The next day we’re in the truck and the first thing we do before we leave Atlanta? Yep you guessed it. Picked Gloria up. Why? Well, I asked him why and he said, “Because she’ll be good company.” For who? For you? Then what the fuck am I doing here?!?! The car broke down so many times that I lost count. I was so angry and so fucking frustrated.

The reason why I went to Atlanta in the first place was cause I wasn’t in a good place emotionally, a lot of bullshit was happening and my aunt thought it would be a good idea for me to get away from the house, you know? And look how that turned out. It took us 2 days, 2 days to get from Atlanta to Houston when for the rest of the world, it’s supposed to take half a day. By the end of the first day, we were in a dangerous part of New Orleans and the car had just stopped completely so we needed to give the car a break (or so my Uncle said) so we rested, cause fuck everything at this point. I couldn’t sleep cause I was so angry and the whole ride there, I tried to shrug it off by listening to music and then my Mp3 player’s battery died and I was forced to listen to Gloria snoring like a gotdamn walrus as well as endure the smell of cigarettes and Ben-gay (I don’t know where the Ben-gay came from but I swore I fucking smelled it). I wanted to yell at someone, I wanted to shout at my mom for not letting me take a fucking plane so I could have been home already (but I could never yell at my mom you guys) As soon as we were about to leave New Orleans, we had to fill up the gas and I offered to go inside and pay the guy so I could be away from them and get some room to breathe.

As soon as I got out of the truck, I looked up at the stars and thought, “Well at least the night sky looks nice” and then just started to try to find little things to be happy about, I saw the cashier at the gas station and thought, “Jeez, this guy must have been working all night” so I decided to make him laugh. I handed him the $20 and said, “Could you put 20 on the Blue POS outside?” and he burst into laughter saying, “He called it a piece of sh-“. and seeing that guy laugh made me feel a lot better, and then when I got back in the car, I just thought about looking at the bright side for a minute like, “Well, in less than a few hours I’ll be at home and I can take a shower.”

As soon as we rolled into Texas, this sudden rush came over me like I was home. And then when we got into Houston, I was so anxious to get home that I couldn’t remember why I was even upset in the first place. The first thing I did when I got home was text my best friend (with this prepaid phone I was using so I had to be real conservative with my minutes) that I was home (we lived in the same neighborhood) and make a time to hang out so I could tell him about this shit then run inside my house to take a fucking shower.

After that, I just started to feel happy for no reason, like just to know that things could always be worse so be grateful with what you have. As I got older, I would ask more questions though about life such as why certain things happen like where do we go when we die? No one knows what happens when we die, we just live our lives being told that we should be good in order to have a happy after-life but there are some people that believe that being alive on earth is Hell and we’re just trying to get back into Heaven. And some people even think maybe being alive and life on earth could be Heaven. And why wouldn’t it be? When you really get down to it, there is a lot of beauty in the world but because we never really get time to smell the roses or anything we think life is just shitty. I won’t give an answer in regards to my current religious beliefs because it is irrelevant, although I can tell you that I don’t want to know what happens after we die.

When we’re little children and we believe in Santa Claus or that Barney is real, it gives us this sense of wonder and excitement and when that glass case that we have all our hopes and dreams in is shattered by adulthood, we lose our innocence and find it difficult to have a reason to be happy about anything. The same could be applied in a philosophical or religious way, like what if none of this is real? Like you, the person reading this blog: How do you know you’re reading the words I’m writing and not just dreaming? Or how do you even know it’s me writing this? It is me (well, Mr. Writer) but wouldn’t that shatter other glass cases you hold close to you? Sometimes ignorance can be very bliss and we aren’t meant to know certain things cause our minds and hearts just can’t fathom. That’s why in my opinion, I just don’t want to know.

Choosing not to know for the sole reason of not being able to fully know what happens in regards to anything allows me to have this sense of wonder and continue to wonder as well as find happiness in little things like making people laugh, spending time with my friends, telling my family how much they mean to me, and being able to write my thoughts down to a small audience. So what if that is a crazy way to live your life? By that logic, I’ve proved my theory that life is indeed meaningless, but isn’t that what makes life so interesting? And dare I say, “Beautiful”?

-Mr. Writer

Written on the 27th of May at 10:45 P.M.

Sadness & Regret

The following post is probably going to depress you but I promise I’ll get my persona to try to turn it around so you won’t hate me. 

Sadness and remorse are two emotions that go hand in hand like a horse to carrots. It is an unbelievable feeling what happens when we get lost into our emotions based on various things that occur us in life. It is healthy for us as humans to cry every now and again cause let’s face it, life can be too tough to handle sometimes, but the thing we fail to understand is that the sadness we feel is only temporary and things always get better. But when we feel sad, we feel helpless and that life is only going to get worse from then on and it probably will but that doesn’t mean that something amazing isn’t lurking in the darkness waiting to surprise you.

As stated before, sometimes our sadness may stem from feelings of remorse like let’s say we’ve betrayed someone close to us a while back. We’ll hate ourselves and wish we could turn back time, do any and everything we can to change things but we can’t. And we shouldn’t because things happen for a reason and we grow from this. The memories of what we do will forever haunt us and though we like to live in a world where we can try to be perfect people who never would wish death upon someone and spread love to those around us quickly deteriorates after spending 5 minutes in traffic and someone 4 cars down from you can’t make up their mind if they need to merge or not.

Sometimes our sadness can also stem from loneliness; the feeling that no one is around us to tell us they care about us (especially during a tough time) makes us question how we got to where we are right now and because you feel lonely and sad, more sad thoughts tend to arrive in your brain that have nothing to do with your situation now but just so happen to come to you that make you feel guilty so now you feel sad, remorseful, and lonely on top of that! One of the things that has kept me from feeling lonely is a passage from Russell Brand in his autobiography, “My Booky Wook”, where in one chapter, he talks about his experience at an Orgy and says, “I did find myself at something of a loose end at one stage, and I’d like to offer that you don’t truly know loneliness until you’ve spent ten minutes in not-so-glorious isolation at an orgy — that’s when you’re really start to feel the pinch of solitude.” Yeah, I bet none of you will feel lonely after reading that.

And all these depressing feelings, lead to one possible solution (at least in the mind of a depressed person) Suicide. I remember there was one point in my life where I contemplated suicide, after a night of heavy drinking in my apartment and reading about people like Malcolm X who were killed by their friends, I started to wonder if you could really trust anyone, cause how can you if everyone around you is selfish, which we are at least a little bit selfish, and I didn’t try to kill myself only because I knew I was just in a state of inebriation as well as this other Russell Brand quote from the same book where he talks about Suicide: “Because you’re so busy taking everything one day at a time…this technique might come in handy if you know someone who’s dead depressed. If that person tells you they don’t think there’s any point in living anymore, just say, ‘OK, well, I’m off now, but remember, we’re going to see Shrek 2 on Wednesday’. It’s important to plant that idea in their heads, because later on they might be about to put a bag over their head and tie it shut with an elastic band…and at the exact moment when they’re about to end their grim life by taking that final journey into dark sweet relief, they’ll think, ‘Oh no, I can’t do this, I’ve got to go and see Shrek 2 with Russell.'” I think one of the main reasons we feel suicidal is cause we feel lonely and that shouldn’t be the case because no matter how lonely we feel or we think we don’t matter, we do. At least to someone, be it your mother, your sibling, your significant other or just your best friend, someone gives a damn and would be devastated if you were to leave this earth tomorrow.

Of course I’m not saying it’s not a good thing to not be sad. Sometimes we just have to let it out (as I stated briefly earlier) but we’ve got to learn to channel it somehow. I’m able to channel it somewhat and my thing is, I know how my emotions work most of the times; like if I feel anger it is because of a certain thing which stems from another (which is why I don’t ever need a therapist). But of course, sometimes I don’t know why I feel certain things cause I’m still human and don’t know everything. I’ll give an example of that: My stepfather passed away a couple months back and at first, I wasn’t too torn up only because he had been in pain for the longest time and now that he was finally at peace, I couldn’t be selfish and want him to stay in that state. But that’s not to say it didn’t tear me up inside. I was in my car and let all my emotions out and cried as hard as I’ve ever cried and distinctfully remember me feeling a little anger too and punching my steering wheel (why did I punch my steering wheel? I don’t know, the steering wheel never did anything to me) because I was so lost into my emotions that I needed to have that feeling, I needed to punch that steering wheel and cry my eyes out and you know what? I felt a lot better and I know he’s in a much better place than this.

I’ve talked a lot about sadness but not enough about Remorse. When we feel remorse for things like just mistakes we’ve made in the past, whatever they may be, we have to learn to move on and can’t simply live in the past and dwell on it, although that’s very easy to do. But we have to learn to find a way to move on somehow because the person you were years ago, or even yesterday no longer exists. Who you are today won’t even matter tomorrow because it’s all about what’s to come. The worst thing to ever happen to you is yet to come, but the best thing to ever happen is on it’s way. We’re going to continuously make mistakes and feel guilty,  cry about it, feel lonely, and even suicidal but that’s where the sentence, “this too shall pass” comes because again no matter how bad things get, everything’s gonna be okay. The sun will still come up in the morning and the world will get a little brighter. So next time you feel sad, remember these words from me and cheer up 😉 Peace & Love

-Mr. Writer

Written on the 21st of May, 2015 at 9:45 P.M. 

Comedic Thoughts and Influences

Hello everyone, for those that know me I’ve been doing Stand-up comedy lately. Well- not as my writing persona but as the real me. Anyway, I figured I’d write a little about comedy and a little bit about my favorite comedians who have helped influence my style. I don’t intend to make money or become famous from doing Stand-Up, I do it cause I like telling people jokes and it’s a great way for me to get people to read my writing. 

Comedy fascinates me because it’s an art that can be universally shared. People can sit in a room and are complete strangers and laugh together at one person telling jokes about whatever. Outside that group of people, no one knows each other and probably wouldn’t like each other if they met but when you get them to laugh together, they’re able to put their differences aside and enjoy themselves.

During World War I, there was actually a cease-fire for one whole day and that day was because it was Christmas. (This is a true story) Soldiers from different countries brought gifts to one another, drank together, even played soccer together. There’s even a story about one soldier from, I forget the country, but sang and the other soldiers were in awe of how beautiful of a singing voice he had. In the book I read that talked about this, I don’t remember if it said that they told any jokes but you’ve got to imagine they exchanged stories and laughed together and shared things in common like one soldier saying, “Oh yeah, I’ve got this cute little thing back at home waiting for me” and another saying, “Oh yeah, I did too, but then I got married so she’s gone now cause my wife scared her off” or something like that. After that day passed, they had to go to war again and they couldn’t bring themselves to do so because just yesterday they were laughing together and realized, “wait? What the fuck are we fighting for anyway? This isn’t MY war.” And if we could all just laugh and smile together, how perfect would the world be?

Anyways, I’ll quit preaching and go on with the blog. Comedy is difficult though, sometimes what you say won’t always be what interests the crowd and occasionally you’ll have to deal with some asshole heckler who tries to ruin the show. A true comedian is a master at story telling and the following comics have helped influence my style of becoming this master Little things that they do are some of what I’ve taken and made into my own style of comedy and because of that, my art of story telling has gotten better and better.

The first comic I’m gonna talk about is Louis C.K. because he was the first comic that really helped my mind mature because he jokes a lot but he gives some great advice. One of his bits that has resonated me since the first time I heard it was:

“We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That’s where your life is amazing, so you just make up shit to be upset about. People in other countries have real problems. Like: ‘Oh shit, they’re cutting off all our heads today.’ things like that. Here, we make shit up to be upset about, like ‘how come I have to choose a language on the ATM machine? it’s bullshit. I shouldn’t have to do that; I’m American'” (Louis C.K.: Hilarious)

The next comedian I’m gonna talk about is Bill Burr. I swear I watched this guy for like 1 minute and I was already bursting with laughter and each of his specials I have died laughing. He, like Louis C.K. gives advice sometimes in his stand-up but his style is more aggressive but it works for me cause my writing persona is aggressive yet the real me is super good at apologizing. But anyways, he was talking about how it’s tough to be a guy sometimes because there’s so much judgement from other men:

“I went to this place and i’m ordering food and I was done ordering and the guy behind the corner asked if I wanted a cookie, right? And I just had the unbelievable urge to blast this guy in the face. I’m not trying to be paranoid but my brain was just like, ‘dude what kind of a man asks another man if he wants a cookie? This guy thinks your soft or something! Oh you want a cookie there, cupcake? Who the fuck does he think he is? He doesn’t know you like that!’ And you know what the sad thing was? I wanted a cookie! I would have loved one; sitting there with a big glass of milk like a 4 year old. But I say it! You don’t I fucking say I want the cookie!” (Bill Burr: Let it Go)

The next comedian is Pakistani (like me, but he’s full Pakistani) and unlike most brown comics, he doesn’t talk about race or anything as much as he is observational and he’s just hysterical. I swear the things he talks about, you wouldn’t think anyone would laugh at but he’s incredible and is the reason why I started considering doing open mics:

“Have you guys heard of this new drug cocktail called ‘Cheese’? I’m not making it up. It’s a new drug cocktail that’s the street name of it, I saw all these news reports talking about ‘Oh it’s this new drug, kids in the mid-west are doing it, it’s an epidemic, it’s a new drug’ and I found out what Cheese was, it’s a mixture. Cheese is Tylenol P.M….

..and HEROIN! so really, it’s HEROIN. It’s mostly HEROIN! Heroin is doing the heavy lifting. It’s not a new drug at all, mostly heroin. I can’t just sprinkle heroin on Pan Cakes and go, ‘Look at me! I’ve made a new drug! I call it Pan Shakes! Don’t forget the special ‘Shake Sauce’, it’s just Maple syrup

…and HEROIN!” (Kumail Nanjiani: Beta-male)

The next comedian is Hannibal Burress, who yes is the one who got people to start investigating into the Bill Cosby’s rape allegations, but he is also a hilarious comedian. His style is observational but filled with one-liner’s and it’s just awesome:

“So I’ve put on weight over the past year or so, people love to tell you when you’ve gained weight, they give no advice at all: ‘Hey you got fat! Alright, see you later’ and that’s it. The weirdest people talk to me about my weight, like my grandmother: ‘Hannibal, you gained weight!’ ‘what does this mean, Grandma? We can’t fuck anymore? And why are you talking to me about my weight, you’re my grandmother’ ‘Hannibal you gaining weight!’ ‘Yeah, well your titty’s are really sagging, Grandma! Why are we critiquing each other’s bodies right now? I don’t know what your motivation was, I was just being defensive!'” (Hannibal Burress: Animal Furnace)

The last and final person I’m going to talk about is Pete Holmes. This guy has such a positive and friendly attitude and I will say is the reason why my Stand-up has gotten better because he appreciates what he writes and doesn’t mind if others will think it’s as funny because he’s his biggest fan. I know that sounds cheesy but you have to believe in your writing if you’re gonna go on stage in front of people and talk for X amount of minutes. Like Kumail (and the two are very good friends by the way) he talks about things that others probably wouldn’t think are funny but the vibe he gives off when he tells these jokes are what makes him one of my influences:

“I’m not racist but do you think at the first meeting of the KKK someone pushed for the proper spelling of the word ‘Clan’. I like to think there’s a guy with overalls and a torch and it’s just driving him crazy like, ‘Hey guys…guys? Oh yeah! Yeah, I hate ’em.. I hate ’em…They’re the worst…shouldn’t it be KKC though?’ and then they just beat the shit out of him. I just love the idea of a guy who hates bad spelling and people who are different.”
(Pete Holmes: Impregnated with Wonder)

There are a number of other comedians I’ve failed to mention, like Russell Brand (who is a personal hero of mine, I’d have to dedicate a whole blog to talk about him) but I’ve made my point. I hope you guys will appreciate this blog because it’s not easy to write but I love writing and will continue to do what makes me happy. Even if what I write about is giving advice, talking about random shit, or just ranting, I’ll continue to do that cause I like the idea of being an Artist and as an amateur Artist, my paint-brush has barely begun to touch canvas and I’m just hoping that at least one of the images I create will someday be a masterpiece.

-Mr. Writer

Written on the 7th of May, 2015 at 8:30 P.M. 

This Crazy World We Live in Today

I’m not really sure how to start this blog. i know what I want to talk about but it’s really hard to write something to simply just catch the reader’s attention, you know? It’s like, I want to say something intelligent to try to get you guys to think I’m smart but I could be completely bullshitting.

Here’s what I really want to get into today. Lately a lot of crazy things have been happening. The Baltimore riots and other kids in the U.S. acting like wild animals: there was this kid I read about who tried to kill his mom cause she took his iPhone, what kind of world do we live in where that happens? A lot of people I hear saying “Oh today’s generation doesn’t know how to behave, they’re always on their phones and on Twitter, Instagram, etc.” It’s bad, I know but what can we do? I think of the movie “No Country for Old Men” because they talk about how the past officers who were the best at their job would handle today’s criminals that show no remorse for anything they do.

It’s hard to maintain a positive outlook on life when all this fucked up shit is happening. It’s very rare whenever you see someone do a kind act or just meet someone who is polite or even holds a door open for you. But then when you do meet someone like that, isn’t it just magical? It’s like we’re this new kid in school and someone knocks our books out of our hands and everyone walking by either laughs or steps on your books with each passing step and then someone comes in front of you, kneels down and begins to help you pick up your books and you realize that you are no longer alone. Little things like that make big differences and no one really notices these things until you actually point it out (but you don’t wanna do that, cause it would ruin the moment)

As humans it would behoove us to come together as one, and sometimes we do with little things such as trying new foods, learning about other cultures, laughing together and it’s great, if we can continue this, world peace would be inevitable. If we all were a little bit more humble and patient to one another, there would be no such thing as “Road Rage” and those people that are like “Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve had my Coffee”  would no longer exist because everyone would be nice to one another. If a conflict occurred, they’d talk it out and laugh about it afterwards. It’s simple but the problem is, it can’t happen.

We can’t just live in peace. As humans we’re prone to accidents and craze conflict, otherwise life would be boring. Why else do you think people watch reality shows? Cause they’re interesting? No, cause people fight and cry. If everything was easy and simple, no one would strive for greatness. It’s fucked up to say, but the world needs suffering in order to survive and for us to be humble as people. I say this only because this is the world I live in. N.W.A. didn’t write the song “Fuck the Police” cause they were looking for a catchy tune, they were being racially profiled and constantly becoming victims of police brutality. If we want things to change and want there to be actual peace in the world, then the change has got to come from us. But until then, I’ll find solace from the tiniest things and hope that my efforts will make a difference. And the more good that comes from this, the more people who have lost faith in today’s generation can keep their head’s high knowing tomorrow’s generation will be able to make most things, if not everything alright.

-Mr. Writer

Originally Written on the 30th of April, 2015 at 7:26 P.M.