The following post is probably going to depress you but I promise I’ll get my persona to try to turn it around so you won’t hate me.
Sadness and remorse are two emotions that go hand in hand like a horse to carrots. It is an unbelievable feeling what happens when we get lost into our emotions based on various things that occur us in life. It is healthy for us as humans to cry every now and again cause let’s face it, life can be too tough to handle sometimes, but the thing we fail to understand is that the sadness we feel is only temporary and things always get better. But when we feel sad, we feel helpless and that life is only going to get worse from then on and it probably will but that doesn’t mean that something amazing isn’t lurking in the darkness waiting to surprise you.
As stated before, sometimes our sadness may stem from feelings of remorse like let’s say we’ve betrayed someone close to us a while back. We’ll hate ourselves and wish we could turn back time, do any and everything we can to change things but we can’t. And we shouldn’t because things happen for a reason and we grow from this. The memories of what we do will forever haunt us and though we like to live in a world where we can try to be perfect people who never would wish death upon someone and spread love to those around us quickly deteriorates after spending 5 minutes in traffic and someone 4 cars down from you can’t make up their mind if they need to merge or not.
Sometimes our sadness can also stem from loneliness; the feeling that no one is around us to tell us they care about us (especially during a tough time) makes us question how we got to where we are right now and because you feel lonely and sad, more sad thoughts tend to arrive in your brain that have nothing to do with your situation now but just so happen to come to you that make you feel guilty so now you feel sad, remorseful, and lonely on top of that! One of the things that has kept me from feeling lonely is a passage from Russell Brand in his autobiography, “My Booky Wook”, where in one chapter, he talks about his experience at an Orgy and says, “I did find myself at something of a loose end at one stage, and I’d like to offer that you don’t truly know loneliness until you’ve spent ten minutes in not-so-glorious isolation at an orgy — that’s when you’re really start to feel the pinch of solitude.” Yeah, I bet none of you will feel lonely after reading that.
And all these depressing feelings, lead to one possible solution (at least in the mind of a depressed person) Suicide. I remember there was one point in my life where I contemplated suicide, after a night of heavy drinking in my apartment and reading about people like Malcolm X who were killed by their friends, I started to wonder if you could really trust anyone, cause how can you if everyone around you is selfish, which we are at least a little bit selfish, and I didn’t try to kill myself only because I knew I was just in a state of inebriation as well as this other Russell Brand quote from the same book where he talks about Suicide: “Because you’re so busy taking everything one day at a time…this technique might come in handy if you know someone who’s dead depressed. If that person tells you they don’t think there’s any point in living anymore, just say, ‘OK, well, I’m off now, but remember, we’re going to see Shrek 2 on Wednesday’. It’s important to plant that idea in their heads, because later on they might be about to put a bag over their head and tie it shut with an elastic band…and at the exact moment when they’re about to end their grim life by taking that final journey into dark sweet relief, they’ll think, ‘Oh no, I can’t do this, I’ve got to go and see Shrek 2 with Russell.'” I think one of the main reasons we feel suicidal is cause we feel lonely and that shouldn’t be the case because no matter how lonely we feel or we think we don’t matter, we do. At least to someone, be it your mother, your sibling, your significant other or just your best friend, someone gives a damn and would be devastated if you were to leave this earth tomorrow.
Of course I’m not saying it’s not a good thing to not be sad. Sometimes we just have to let it out (as I stated briefly earlier) but we’ve got to learn to channel it somehow. I’m able to channel it somewhat and my thing is, I know how my emotions work most of the times; like if I feel anger it is because of a certain thing which stems from another (which is why I don’t ever need a therapist). But of course, sometimes I don’t know why I feel certain things cause I’m still human and don’t know everything. I’ll give an example of that: My stepfather passed away a couple months back and at first, I wasn’t too torn up only because he had been in pain for the longest time and now that he was finally at peace, I couldn’t be selfish and want him to stay in that state. But that’s not to say it didn’t tear me up inside. I was in my car and let all my emotions out and cried as hard as I’ve ever cried and distinctfully remember me feeling a little anger too and punching my steering wheel (why did I punch my steering wheel? I don’t know, the steering wheel never did anything to me) because I was so lost into my emotions that I needed to have that feeling, I needed to punch that steering wheel and cry my eyes out and you know what? I felt a lot better and I know he’s in a much better place than this.
I’ve talked a lot about sadness but not enough about Remorse. When we feel remorse for things like just mistakes we’ve made in the past, whatever they may be, we have to learn to move on and can’t simply live in the past and dwell on it, although that’s very easy to do. But we have to learn to find a way to move on somehow because the person you were years ago, or even yesterday no longer exists. Who you are today won’t even matter tomorrow because it’s all about what’s to come. The worst thing to ever happen to you is yet to come, but the best thing to ever happen is on it’s way. We’re going to continuously make mistakes and feel guilty, cry about it, feel lonely, and even suicidal but that’s where the sentence, “this too shall pass” comes because again no matter how bad things get, everything’s gonna be okay. The sun will still come up in the morning and the world will get a little brighter. So next time you feel sad, remember these words from me and cheer up 😉 Peace & Love
Written on the 21st of May, 2015 at 9:45 P.M.