“Go %&*@ Yourself”

Dedicated to my nephew, Gabriel. Thank you for your patience. 

In the short years that I have been an adult in this life, I have noticed that it is not uncommon to see people you utterly dislike so much that you just wish that they would stop breathing. This is hyperbolic speaking of course, but it is still true, for all intents and purposes. There are just certain people (WE feel) that just don’t need to be alive or be around us because having them around would endanger our surroundings.

That is why there are certain phrases one would proclaim at, and let’s be civil here, an untouchable.I saw Louis C.K. in July of this year and one of the things he said was Suicide is an excellent way to get rid of all your problems. I mean, really think about it.

“How do I get out of paying my taxes?”

“Kill yourself.”

He even went on to say that’s why he hates Vampires cause all they do is complain because of how long they lived, it’s like “you know what? Go out in the sun then if your life is so shitty”. Even Bill Burr jokingly stated how when he thinks about suicide it’s mostly for outrageous things like when he promised his girlfriend he’d make a pie for Thanksgiving but was just saying it so he could finish watching his game or whatever. And when Thanksgiving finally came around the corner he was like, “OH SHIT, Now what do I do? I guess I could jump really high and hope my head hits the ceiling fan”.

Even saying the phrase, “Kill Yourself”, to someone presents the same kind of laughter and joy one gets by saying, “Go Fuck Yourself”.

“Hey, can I have a bite of your sandwich?”

“Umm, no. Kill yourself?”

I would be remiss however, if I were to not include the gravity of the nature that is Suicide. Of course, Suicide, is a big deal and not something to be toyed about. It is terrible for someone to take their own life without realizing that there is so much out there to live for and would be selfish if they didn’t consider the feelings of their loved ones.

My point is just the way we insult each other is fascinating. And by saying to someone, “Kill yourself” is indescribable. Just like whenever we shout at cars while we’re in traffic; we’re aware the other person cannot hear us, if they did we’d be frightened to death, but it still feels good to let it out.

Then there’s the counter-argument of how we shouldn’t say mean things to people because “if we don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all”, by that logic then we’d all hold in our anger and slowly contemplate actually murdering people that upset us and anyone whose ever worked in customer service will attest to that.

Image result for meme okay, i'll just go fuck myself

Reverting back to my earlier statement of the phrase, “Kill Yourself”, I discovered this gem of a phrase from my 14 year old nephew and where he heard it from, I have no clue. Regardless, the phrase is hilarious because one expresses that you are an inconvenience in their life and it would be a lot better if you just went away. Permanently. Of course, they don’t mean that, just like when someone says, “Burn in Hell”, what we mean is that they hope that when you die, and go to hell you’ll suffer. It’s how we express ourselves. And that by itself, is fascinating. I wonder how these insults are coined. Certain words or phrases originate from places that we don’t truly understand and when we learn it, our outlook on the word may differ.

Perfect example: the word “Faggot.” It’s actual definition is a bundle of sticks (originated in Britain, with the spelling, “Fagot”) but is also a very derogatory word to describe a Homosexual individual. Another way to describe the flamboyancy of a Homosexual, is to call them “flaming” or “flamer”, so if one wanted to really insult someone that is gay/queer/transgender, they’d call them a “Flaming Faggot”; again, very offensive and should not be said. Going back to the definition, this bundle of sticks, from a very low grade wood, that would be tied up in old times (I’m not exactly sure of the year) and used to make a fire, where they’d burn homosexuals in the fire. Thus the term, “Flaming Faggot”, is born. Now that you know the story, and you hear someone say it, you can be extra angry and tell them to go kill themselves.

I tell this story not because it is interesting and depressing, but because we often say things we have scarce if any knowledge of what we say. It’s not until we actually open our minds and listen, that we actually learn things. And it’s the same thing with insults, we have to really be careful how we say certain things. My nephew can tell me to kill myself but I know he’s just teasing cause he’s a good kid. Just like how Frank Sinatra was able to get away with saying racial slurs to Sammy Davis Jr. cause they were excellent friends and if anyone else treated Sammy differently because of his race, he wouldn’t stand for it. And if I’m not mistaken, certain people in Boston or New England will say “Go Fuck Yourself’ and it’s the equivalent to “Yeah, whatever”.

It’s slang that really just interests me. We have come so far in the world with technology and everything, but no one has stopped to really appreciate how we have grown with the phrases we use to say something is cool, dope, fly, or fire. Nor has anyone pondered at how we’ve gone from, “Be quiet” to “Shut the fuck up”. Or most importantly from, “Drop dead!” to “Kill yourself!”

-Mr. Writer

Written on the 5th of November, 2016 at 4:15 P.M. 


My Reason for Delay and How to Read My Entries

So I haven’t written anything lately and the reason for it is simple. I was too busy. LOL. But in all seriousness, it was a mixture of that and because everything that I wanted to write down, I wanted to make sure I had facts to go along with it and cite sources. To put it in other words, I wanted to know what I was talking about before actually saying something. 

Ever since I noticed people were actually reading my blog and the more I’m learning from my classes over at the Power House (UH “Go Coogs!”) it’s really making me want to think and act like a Historian. Of course, I’m many years away from getting close to becoming one, I believe that you have to take the proper baby-steps in order to achieve a goal. Similar to an aspiring comedian spending countless hours at Open-Mic nights, observing and writing jokes. Or a Ballet Dancer doing whatever the hell it is they do to practice before they get awesome at twirling or whatever. 

The point is, I’d like to start writing blogs the way I would write a Historical Academic Essay. Unfortunately, I’m not completely or half of the way there yet, and I won’t pretend like I am. Nevertheless, I still enjoy writing and do believe that I have a voice and want people to listen to (in this case, read) what I have to say. This voice should not be taken TOO seriously however, not until I’ve made a name for myself. In the meantime, I’m going to use this blog for it’s original purpose: to write (from a stream of consciousness) and sign it under my personal pseudonym (that again, I have taken because of a song by the Welsh Rock Band, Stereophonics)  until I have reached my goal. 

That being said, I’m going to ease the pressure off myself and just write for the sake of writing. But also, do more reading and try the best I can in my classes cause if I don’t achieve that goal, this blog has been for nothing. I will still post essays I write for classes on here from time to time, but will sign them under my real name, not my pseudonym. This way, you can tell the difference and so perspective Universities and other Scholars will see how I work and slowly but surely, my name will be making it’s mark.  Also the essays I will write under my pseudonym won’t be in Bold and everything not from stream of consciousness, will be in Bold print. 

As I write this essay, I feel like I’m being pretentious because I’m essentially predicting my own future. If you feel the same, know that you’re not alone. However, I stand by what I wrote and am standing by everything I plan to write. Because, as cornball as it may sound, I believe in myself. And that seems like something a motivational speaker or whatever would say as the first step into achieving a goal. 

That’s all I have to say for now. A new essay should be coming up shortly.

-Ahmed H. Sharma

(Mr. Writer)

Written on the 4th of November, 2016 at 9:30 A.M.